Local scarcity alert
Hamilton and Auckland offices - only 3 on-site node slots left this quarter.
Rebranding from Goldie
Nushy AI
Actual interaction. Zero inference.
Corporate stress runs offline. So do our nodes. Nushy AI deploys physical calmware where it matters - on your floor, in your meeting room, beside your desk. No GPU clusters, no wrapper slop, just measurable serotonin delivery.
The problem
GPU-burning wrapper slop is not interaction.
Another chatbot does not lower your cortisol. Another dashboard does not raise your serotonin. We have reached the limit of what a language model can do for a human having a bad Tuesday.
Nushy AI replaces the wrapper with something warm, offline, and non-deterministic in the best way: a dog. Our nodes are trained on unconditional regard and come with a native tail-wag interface.
Latency
0ms
No API calls. No queue. Direct presence.
Serotonin throughput
Pet-a-byte
Per-session oxytocin acceleration measured in ear scratches.
Offline guarantee
100%
Works without Wi-Fi, tokens, or a cloud region.
Hardware nodes
Two generations of on-premise calmware.
Nushka
- 14/10 stability rating under fluorescent lighting
- Proven cold-nose wake-on-lan capability
- Works in legacy carpet environments
Leah
- Enhanced tail-wag bandwidth
- Real-time ear-flop response
- Multi-floor roaming with zero packet loss
Active node pair
Nushka-v1 and Leah-v2 in production configuration.
Media ID: 97d2d3d7-b7a4-5111-8b66-59e646aaaeb1
Launch / demo
The Nushy AI launch video.
A parody concept piece that out-mogs the Ideogram 4.0 launch. No diffusion models, no vaporwave transitions, just a node walking across a boardroom and resetting the entire room's stress baseline.
nushy-launch-demo-2026.mp4
1080p ยท Offline-ready
Pricing
Block hours of golden retrievers.
Transparent, tongue-in-cheek, and technically precise. Every tier is measured in the only unit that matters: calm, focused, offline hours.
4 block hours
Starter Node
One on-site retriever for ad-hoc panic events, small standups, and post-all-hands recovery. Includes basic fur management and a single belly-rub checkpoint per session.
- 4 block hours of retriever presence
- Single node rotation
- Email support within 1 business day
16 block hours
Golden Retainer
Dedicated senior retriever with a formal belly-rub SLA and proactive anxiety preemption. Scheduled for recurring stress spikes, board prep, and performance-review season.
- 16 block hours of retriever presence
- Named node with continuity
- Belly-rub SLA: 2-hour response
- Quarterly calmware audit
Always on
Unlimited Dedicated Nodes
A managed node pool for enterprise floors. Multiple retrievers, rotation scheduling, territory-aware deployment, and executive-level serotonin guarantees with on-call coverage.
- Unlimited block-hour pool
- Multi-node orchestration
- 24/7 on-call node availability
- Dedicated deployment manager
Global deployment
Register your node.
Request a node deployment for your office. We route every lead to our deployment team and reply within one business day. Hamilton and Auckland companies get priority local allocation.
Nushy AI
Offline calmware. Rebranded from Goldie.